Hurt.

Hurting others.

We do it with or without awareness. We create chaos in the lives of others with or without intention.

I have been thinking about this in light of a recent situation that created hurt in one of the most important people in my life. And I was part of the cause. Assumptions, expectations- whatever- my actions created hurt. There are so many things that I can move past, things that I can overcome. But this one is a doozy. Because the existence of that hurt contradicts the things that I value- like love and trust.

Sometimes when hurt exists there is no language to communicate it. There are no words big enough to conquer its bold sting. You wonder why the world hasn't just stopped when you experience pain. Why does life keep moving so obliviously? And when you are the cause, you wonder why there aren't things falling on your head, why the much deserved punishment hasn't come. And then you realize, the punishment of knowing the thing you dread in yourself- those feelings- exist in the people you love you realize the punishment is a lot worse than physical harm.

Today, I am sad for what I have done. But I am also moving towards reconciliation at the pace of life... slowly but surely. I am holding on to this thing I believe about community, something I wrote recently to a group of friends:

"Community is by its nature about connecting. But it is also about healing and reconciliation and loving no matter what, being tangible love for broken and for whole people. Community is all of these things and it is also about changing expectations and selflessness and learning to trust in the the things you have already established."

And what I have been learning lately- Community is about hoping together for better things, fuller and richer love, the beautify what is and what is to come. Community. Is. Hope.