The Great Break Up

The future is a scary place. And while I have all but convinced myself that I am a mighty warrior (ess?) going into battle, donning my education like a sword and my community involvement as a shield- I feel more like an overdue, awkward mid-twenties student with a degree I don’t care for and not a single opportunity casting a shadow across my doorstep- let alone knocking. Or at least not any that I want to take.

My problem? I have spent the majority of my college career investing in an organization that has become definitive in most of my development and it is now expected that I just walk away from it. The Great Break Up.

Okay- take a deep breath, I tell myself. This isn’t the end of the world, I tell myself. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, I tell myself. There’s a college in Texas that has been kind of flirting with you. And I swear I saw that government program wink at me last week.

But everything reminds me of my soon-to-be-ex-organization. The people most important to me, the mindsets I operate out of. I found myself gazing longingly at a book on college student development last week. When I’m with other people, all I can talk about is what my organization taught me this week or what I did when I was with my organization.

Do I go to relationship counseling with my organization? Tell it how sometimes I think it takes me for granted but how grateful I am for the times it has seen me for who I really am. Do we discuss the good and the bad times- the times I cried over it and the times I celebrated with it?

Or do I just walk away. Leave a note and go.

As someone told me the other day in a conversation about The Great Break Up, “when you become frightened instead become inspired.” Great words of wisdom. I’m just trying to figure out how to apply them, to reconcile my mighty warrior (ess?) image with the harsh reality of my current state of being. I am not in a battle or ending an abusive relationship. I am just trying to sum up 6 years with the inspiration of what it has given me and not the fear of what I will do without it.

And this overdue, awkward mid-twenties student with a degree and opportunities I don’t care for could use a little inspiration.