Going Confidently...

Confidence. 27 years old and I finally have enough of this tricky element in my life to change my perspective. Confidence as a result of knowing when to walk away from things. Confidence as a result of learning to listen to the ins and outs of who I really am.

It has been a difficult journey but I'm here and I'm less afraid (or learning how to respect fear in a way that circumvents it into something positive). It has caused me to write more honestly, to speak up more and to know that things can change if I just choose to move forward.

And the things that would have kept me from stepping out- worrying what other people might think, what would happen if I chose not to do what others wanted me to do, not trusting my voice- are being met instead with life giving things. It has been incredible and it has been healing.

It is even as simple as feeling free to actually talk in an academic setting without over-analyzing my every word. Or allowing people to compliment my work without feeling the need to put myself down in an effort to support feelings of worthlessness. Or the work I am doing in my apprenticeship that will allow me to collaborate with women on campus so that they can find their own voices (I will give you all more details on that later).

I am so excited to be at this place. Instead of feeling regretful for lost time, I am thankful for this long journey and hopeful for my future.

And in all of this, a poem one of my favorite people shared with me has been ringing in my ears: 

We Have not Come to Take Prisoners 
We have not come here to take prisoners 
But to surrender ever more deeply 
to freedom and joy. 
 
We have not come into this exquisite world 
to hold ourselves hostage from love. Run, my dear, from anything that may not strengthen your precious budding wings,
Run like hell, my dear, from anyone likely to put a sharp knife into the sacred, tender vision of your beautiful heart. 
 
We have a duty to befriend 
those aspects of obedience 
that stand outside of our house 
and shout to our reason 
"oh please, oh please 
come out and play." 
 
For we have not come here to take prisoners, or to confine our wondrous spirits, But to experience ever and ever more deeply our divine courage, freedom, and Light!  
Hafiz, "The Gift"