trees and things

A mentor and I have recently been talking this process that I've been going through, the process of changing. Today he asked me to give him a metaphor for what has happened so far. And I thought about tree roots and how trees can only grow as big as their root system. So if roots are too small, the tree wont be a strong tree. If the roots begin to rot, it will reflect in what's going on above ground. For a while my roots were small and limited to a small area. Then rot set in and I began to encounter the manifestations of that in my limbs and leaves. I wasn't growing, I was struggling to maintain appearances. All the while not doing the kind of work that needed to be done, letting others take ownership where I should have been taking ownership. 

But now I am repairing rot, branching out (no pun intended) and finding new ways to challenge myself and grow. It has been difficult. We also talked about the things lost in the process. I had to stop putting people on pedestals and calling it respect. I had to stop putting myself down and calling it being humble/being a servant. I had to redefine the way I looked at institutions I have been a part of for years. I had to change my perspective on situations  and my expectations of people. The most painful part was losing faith and hope, the most beautiful thing was rediscovering those things in a much more meaningful way. 

I know this process isn't over, but now I am ready to start moving all of this internal stuff out into external action. I am letting this process transform relationships and trying to find new, creative ways to express the change I have encountered. 

It's a really great feeling and I'm excited for what comes next. 

Love.

Jaime