You are Loved and Don't Give Up

When one cannot sleep due to excessive thinking, it only seems rational that blogging should happen.

Especially when the thinking revolves around issues far far far outside the realm of my control. It's bad enough to have your own issues that seem untouchable, but when the ones you love are struggling- the reaching out to try and connect feels that much farther away.

I want to tell them that I love them. I want to speak about deserving joy and peace and the kinds of things reflective of someone who has always always deserved them. So here goes...

Things happen- don't they? They are sometimes swift and they knock you right off of your feet but the other kind of happening seeps and spreads from inside out. If you have lost hope, you know what I am saying. And I suspect that you have.

So let me tell you about what it looks like on the other side- not for the sake of focusing on me but as a desperate attempt to make you understand. I am bringing out the big guns. When I went there I had given up all of the way, without reservation. I had thrown myself into something like deep dark pits. I quit without discussing it with anyone. I sat in dark rooms and I let myself forget good and beautiful things. And because I really felt like deserving and being worth things were not for me- I went away.

When you stop fighting for things like your ability to love and be loved fully, you lose something. You become something else. Self-disintegration, self-erosion...

Being tired. Being confused. Being hurt, being in a consistent state of hurt. I know this sounds familiar...

But picture that as your heart gives out, someone opens their own chest and offers to split theirs in half. Or a whole web of people do it, because we see that you have been needing a transplant for a while and that's what this whole community thing is all about. They visit you when you go there, they sit with you and they give their love in the form of touch because you tell them you the worst part is that nobody touches you in this place you are in. They bring what feels like being safe, what feels like being home in places where it shouldn't be allowed to exist. And so in times like these, when you don't feel safe or you feel alone- we are here to give back what you have always given to us. We are here to remind you of very true things.

You are loved, yes my friend you really are. Deeply from the wells of our heart chambers we love you. It is something that had become engrained from the moment we met you, and then again when we knew you deeply.

And so believe me when I say this. We have plenty to spare, have so much love to return, so much peace to whisper and a patient hope for what is to come. And we will stand beside/behind/around you. We will fight with/for you.

You have always deserved that.