Becoming.

I don't ask the question, "who am I?" very often anymore. Instead, I slip into my skin and ride the experiential waves that come my way each day. I take everything in and turn those things into steps and leaps.

I ask instead, "Who am I becoming?"

It wasn't that long ago that I admitted in a shaky voice, tears streaming down my face, that I didn't know my own reflection anymore. That I hated who I was and had no sense of direction to help me become something else. All beginning with a mistake turned disaster turned eye-opener.

And on that precipice, I had to redefine everything. Faith. Community. Self-worth. Relationships. All of it ripped apart and reworked into a grungy frayed tapestry that I can now proudly call my journey.

Community is not just weekly gatherings centered on conversation. It is people moving far away but never leaving. It is fighting with and for each other. Honesty. Trust. Communication. Simple and constant.

Faith isn't a set of neatly bound rules by which to measure worth against. It is redemptive, restorative, filled with things like hope and love. It is life-giving and very very messy.

And me. I'm not unlovable or crazy. I am imperfect and sometimes selfish. But I deeply desire to love people well- I really do. I am not the "who am I?" that implies finality but instead I am the "who am I becoming?" that gives room for air and growth. For mistakes along the way. For triumphs and "ah ha!" moments.

So if you ask me what I am doing next with my life, I will smile and say that I would rather tell you who I am becoming. That's a much better story.